Cinnamon Rolls 101, or How To Elicit Primal Groans From All Your Friends

Welcome back, folks. Did you have a fabulous Christmas?

Hey! I have a great idea. Why not start a holiday tradition of delivering these delicious cinnamon rolls to your friends and cohorts?

Growing up, my mom always made them for her good friends at Christmastime, and you could literally hear the primal groans of pure joy rising from the rooftops of our town. I've carried on the tradition through the years and have won friends and influenced people just by delivering these rolls. They really are that good.

A warning. If you follow these instructions and wind up delivering these cinnamon rolls to your friends, be prepared for any of the following to occur:
1. They'll call you after they've taken the first bite and profess their eternal love for every ounce of your body, even your toe jam and love handles.
2. They'll pass out after the first bite, hit their head on the kitchen counter, sustain a concussion, and sue you for damages, despite the fact that the one bite they tasted of your cinnamon roll was the single most profound culinary experience in their miserable little life.
3. They'll call you and ask for the recipe, saying, "HOW did you make those?"
4. They'll call you and propose marriage.
5. They'll start humping the cinnamon roll pan, get maple frosting all over their pants, and send you the bill for the dry cleaning.
6. Did I just say that?

Let's start by making the dough.

Mix 1 quart of whole milk, 1 cup of vegetable oil, and 1 cup of sugar in a pan. "Scald" the mixture (heat until just before the boiling point.) Turn off heat and leave to cool 45 minutes to 1 hour. Go fold laundry or sculpt or play Twister with your mailman or something.



When the mixture is lukewarm to warm, but NOT hot, sprinkle in 2 packages Active Dry Yeast.



Let this sit for a minute so the yeast gets all warm and moist and happy.



Then add 8 cups of all-purpose flour.



Stir mixture together. Cover and let sit for at least an hour. Go throw away the rest of your wrapping paper or build a Lego Rottweiler or do Yoga or watch Home Shopping Network and order a frozen pizza oven for your countertop or some cellulite cream.



After an hour, the dough will look like this.



Now add 1 more cup of flour...



1 heaping teaspoon baking powder...



And 1 "scant" (less than a full) teaspoon baking soda and 1 heaping tablespoon of salt.

Stir mixture together. At this point, you could cover the dough and put it in the fridge until you need it---overnight or even a day or two, if necessary. Just keep your eye on it and if it starts to splurge out of the pan, just punch it down. Or, of course, you can just go ahead and make the rolls.

Let's do that, shall we?

Sprinkle surface generously with flour.



Take half the dough and form a rough rectangle.



Then roll the dough thin, maintaining a general rectangular shape. Rectangle should increase in both width and length as you roll it out.



Here's my beautiful, weird, lovely, delightful friend, Hyacinth. She came over to make cinnamon rolls with me. Ain't she purty?



Now drizzle 1 1/2 to 2 cups melted butter over the dough. Don't be shy; lay it on thick, baby. You know you want it.



Oh, by the way? This is not non-caloric. In case anyone asks.



Now sprinkle 1 cup of sugar over the butter...



...followed by a generous sprinkling of cinnamon.



Now, starting at the opposite end, begin rolling the dough in a neat line toward you. Keep the roll relatively tight as you go. Some of the butter/sugar/cinnamon mixture may ooze out toward the end, but that's no big deal.



Next, pinch the seam to the roll to seal it.Doesn't Hyacinth have lovely hands? I'd give anything to have her hands.



Spread 1 tablespoon of melted butter in seven round, foil cake or pie pans. Then begin cutting rolls approximately 3/4 to 1 inch thick and laying them in the buttered pans. Repeat this process with the other half of the dough. This recipe makes approximately seven pans of rolls.



Let the rolls sit for 20 to 30 minutes to rise, then bake at 400 degrees until light golden brown, about 15 to 18 minutes.

While the rolls are in the oven, make the deliciously sinful maple frosting.
To a mixing bowl, add 1 bag of powdered sugar.

To this, add about 2 teaspoons maple flavoring...



1/2 cup milk...



1/4 cup melted butter...



...and 1/4 cup of brewed coffee. Also add 1/8 teaspoon (a generous pinch) salt.



Then have a big, strong, virile man stir it up for you. I chose Marlboro Man.



The mixture should be thick but pourable. Taste and adjust as needed.



Generously drizzle frosting over warm rolls after you pull them out of the oven. And take a walk on the wild side. Don't be afraid to drown them puppies. Be sure to get frosting around the perimeter of the pan, too, so the icing will coat the outside of the rolls.

These are not non-caloric. Did I mention that?


The frosting will settle in and become one with the cinnamon rolls. And you'll be another step closer to being the most popular person in town...or the jiggliest, depending on whether you choose to deliver the rolls to friends or lock yourself in your pantry and eat them all by yourself.

Not that I've ever done that, mind you. I don't ever do things like that. I'm a model of self-discipline. And I don't have time to do such things---I'm too busy doing the Stairmaster. Yeah, that's me---Miss Will Power. I don't ever consume wasted calories. And if I do, I'm always vigilant about compensating with a higher activity level and weeks of fasting. And all.

Go forth and conquer! Yes you can. And report back to me.

Comments

[Tiger Lamb Girl]

This is THE best cyber-Christmas present I could ask for. And you delivered!

Thank you.

I'm going to make them today. And I'm adding pecans on top of some of them.

[Gee]

Great lesson, PW...I learned a few things! Tiger Lamb Girl....sometimes I sprinkle chopped pecans on the INside of the rolls...right after the generous sprinkling of cinnamon!
Happy New Year Hyacinth...fun to see you on the blog!

[Angie]

Oh are my neighbors going to LOOOOVE you. I think this just became my new year's tradition!

I already sent cookies for Christmas. I'm either going to be the most popular neighbor on the block, or I'm going to keep Weight Watchers in business!

[Brian]

Here I was going to complement you on your beautiful manicure, and they are somebody else's fingers. *sighs*

I am drooling now thinking of those lonely buns with no home. :)

Hope you had a great time with the family yesterday.

[Denise]

Thank you thank you THANK YOU! I would never have had a chance of making these right without the beautiful, helpful pictures. You are awesome!

[Susan in va]

How did you know that I wanted the recipe for those rolls? I don't know whether to curse you or kiss you!

I'll kiss you now and curse you later.

[Pam]

Now that looks like a buttery and sugary heaven right there.
♥Pam

[JillyD]

A photo recipe ~ sheer perfection, Ree!

I'm SO sick of being in the kitchen so I won't be making these until the weekend. It's Don Pablo's turn to cook for me today ~ and there will most likely be a margarita thrown in there for good measure!

Have a great day!
JillyD

[Lindy]

I actually didn't want to know "how" they are made I just want to thank you for letting me be on the receiving end of them.

[Jenni in KS]

I guess I'm a visual learner. I think all cookbooks should be this way. There's another cinnamon roll recipe that people rave about on a certain message board, and I'm only slightly ashamed to say I've never tried it because there are no pictures. I'm a pretty good cook, but I want to see at least the finished product all laid out for me or I'm suspicious. Thank you for the recipe and the extra 10 pounds:o)

And, btw, Hyacinth is lovely. Such a beautiful name, too.

[Jenni in KS]

I forgot to mention that my inlaws love the Pioneer Woman calendar I gave them. MIL had to show it off to SIL and her boyfriend and tell them all about your blog. I wasn't paying enough attention, so I missed what would have been a great photo when SIL's boyfriend came across the March photo. He was absolutely horrified! I got a shot a few seconds later, but sheer terror had already faded to bewildered disgust. Thanks for making Christmas morning even more special--I'm still laughing about it:o)

[cecedon]

Thanks Ree, the kids and I will make these this week. How big of a pot was that you were using? 4 qt? Or was it bigger? I hope 4 qt because I don't believe I have anything bigger.

[Ree]

Ooo, I can't wait to hear how they turn out, guys. Don't worry...it's pretty much a no-fail recipe. Butter and sugar cover a multitude of sins.

Jenni---I can't believe you didn't get a pic of his face right after looking at it. How priceless that would have been! And I'm the same way about cookbooks. I must have photos.

Cecedon---I think my pot is 6 or 8 quart, but just dump the warm milk mixture into a mixing bowl instead. I just keep it in the pot for convenience, but a bowl would work just as well.

[PAMELA]

Can't decide if this is being on a "roll" or on a "bun"
My fat cells were screaming just from reading the ingredients.

[Vicki]

I am going to do this for New Years. Break my new kitchen in right! Thanks for the recipe

By the way. I want a friend name Hyacinth. Have you ever watched Keeping up with Apperances on Channel 11? (I didn't spell Apperances right, and I'm not even sure if that is the name of the show. Apperances or the Neighbors I can't remember.) Anywhoo.. FUN SHOW!

[Tiggerlane]

This is fantastic - absolutely amazing. I make a gazillion sugar cookies with buttercream frosting, and now I feel like a lesser being.

Two things made me drool from this post - the maple frosting (who needs rolls? I'll drink from the pot, thank you), and do I spy stainless steel countertops? I know what I want in my new house!

[Natalie]

This is wonderful and awful at the same time. There goes the ol' resolution process! I guess I have five days to make and eat as many of these as I can. ;)
I have one question: when you sprinkle the yeast onto the milk, do you stir it or just let it sit there? I've never worked with yeast before and this was the first question that came to mind.
Yes, we had a wonderful Christmas... sounds like ya'll did, too.
Lovely!

[momto3cubs]

Mmmm, thanks for those amazing instructions! We'll have to give it a try.

Can I borrow that wonderful work counter you have there?! Wow.

Next on your list of projects, in time for Christmas 2007 gift giving--the Pioneer Cookbook.

[Pioneer Woman]

Tiggerlane...stainless all the way! It's relatively cheap and you can't hurt it.

Natalie...sometimes I stir the yeast in, sometimes I just dump the flour on top of it without stirring, sometimes I add the flour before the yeast. It's so easy...you just can't mess it up.

[FelineFrisky]

Hiya! Brian sent me by. WOW!! My glucose has hit the roof just reading about these morsels! (I'm diabetic) I would make them without the maple glaze, myself. I'm not a glaze kinda girl - but watch out cinnamon & sugaqr! Woo Hoo! D :)

[Willowtree]

Ree, you are the most consistent person I have ever met (in blogland). You cook the same way you wrangle horses and handle cattle...with a camera in one hand and a coffee in the other. It looks like Hyacinth did most of the work.

[Ashley]

I've been reading your blog for awhile and love it. I just had to post when I saw this recipe. I totally agree about the pictures, they help so much. Have you ever frozen the rolls before you bake them? It would be nice to have some homemade rolls on hand when company comes. Also, do you think the icing would keep in the fridge or the freezer? Thanks so much for posting this recipe and answering our questions!

[Pass the Torch]

No WAY!!! I thought they grew on Pillsbury refrigerator canister trees.

You are a multitalented lady (or you have friends who are;)))

[Nan]

Mmmm! I'm going to bookmark this in my recipes folder. Is this calorie free by the way? I will give it to my heart patient Auntie if it is... she will just love them!

[Jenners in AZ]

Thanks sooooo much for this AWESOME recipe! My daughter & I will whip some up in a couple of days and deliver them to the firestation. My dh's crew will love us! Then we can have one (maybe) before they devour the rest. hee hee.

LOVE your photos, too. The dof blur behind Hyacinth is perfect! I also like the composition of the flour-scattered countertop w/the measuring cup. Nice!

Oh, and I thought the same thing (PBS' "Keeping Up Appearances") with the name Hyacinth. That show cracks me up.

I am still a newbie with your site, but I read and I like. Thanks for the lift!

Jenn