What Would You Do...

...if your spouse took all the children out of the house for two whole hours? Would you catch up on laundry? Refine your to-do list? Read a good book? Organize your bathroom drawers? Paint? Sculpt?

Myself, I like to practice my Ethel Merman impersonation. So yesterday morning when my husband took the kids working with him, I did just that. Only this time, rather than stand in front of the mirror and be my own audience like I usually do, I decided to click the "record" button on my computer so I could share the moment with all of you.

I allowed my love to listen to my recording session when he returned home. In addition to being somewhat puzzled at how I'd chosen to spend my kid-free time, he delicately suggested I might want to "re-think" posting the recording on my blog.

"Why?" I asked. "Does it embarrass you?"

"No," Marlboro Man replied. "Not at all. I'm just not sure how other people will take it."

Then it occurred to me. Our banker, Butch, reads my blog when he arrives at work every morning.

"Ah. I see...," I said. "You just don't want Butch to hear my Ethel impersonation...right?"

"Yeah," he replied. "I'm a little nervous he'll call our note." Other than that, he asked, "Aren't you afraid you might lose a few readers?"

I retorted, "You know what? Then why am I blogging? I can't conceal certain aspects of myself for fear people might think I'm strange. I can't just choose to show the fluffier, more charming side and omit the less glamorous things." (As if calf nuts are charming?) Then I said something that scared my husband more than the Ethel Merman recording ever could: "Honey, I'm just keepin' it real."

If you don't know who Ethel Merman is, please don't listen. You won't understand.
Click to Listen: I Love Ethel Merman

Comments

[Heather]

Hi Ree!I love it! You gave me a great smile this morning! If my husband took the three kids for two hours, I definitely WOULD NOT clean, that can be done when kids are around. I'd make a phone call or sit down with a good book. Can't do those two things very often with the rugrats biting my ankles!

[Mrs. Snafu]

Mrs. Snafu here........Ree, Marlboro Man may well be right on this one. I have observed Snafu each morning reading your blog, smiling and chuckling with each entry. Today, however, he couldn't stay. Saying, "Oh man," he simply left the room. I'm not sure what all this means. I'll try to discern when he feels up to talking. Does Butch have anywhere to retreat? A break room? Water cooler? If not, you might be sellin them cows.

[CPA Mom]

Ree - Keep on Keepin' It Real Bay-bee. Great imitation! Love it! Three hours??? Wow. You are so lucky.

[Julie]

That was great!!! I loved it!!! Oh, and Butch doesn't read every morning when he gets to work. But I am dialing him right now to make sure he does. Now, Marty reads your blog every morning. But that is okay...he has witnessed the belching AND you putting your leg over your head. :) (Sorry about him ratting you out, I honestly didn't think he would do that. He has been so good about leaving it alone with all the other posts. I would not have showed him the photos, but he and Ladd told us the story while we were down south one day.)

[Snafu]

If you don't know who Ethel Merman is, please don't listen. You won't understand.Readers: please do not assume from the above comment by Ree that being familiar with Ethel Merman assures that you will understand what Ree did.The impersonation is quite good- but I'm horrified that my pal Ree knows all the words to an Ethel Merman song.My diagnosis: acute EMS (Ethel Merman Syndrome)Prescribed: lock Ree in a room, piping in non-stop 80's hair band rock for a minimum of 18 hours.Snaf

[Anonymous]

OH MY SOUL!!!!!!I laughed until TEARS ran down my face!!!!!!!!!!You are the funniest thing in the whole wide world!!!!!!Can I have a juice bag???:)~Jo's Boyshttp://josboys.typepad.com

[Mocha]

You are absolutely LOONY. Thank God for that. How many times can I listen to this before I'm obsessed? 12? I think I'm on 8 right now.

[AllBeehive]

With that intro I was expecting the worst and got a huge treat. Now if you had been Ethel Merman doing say Duran Duran Hungry Like the Wolf, that MAY be embarrassing but not this.And, you did it with no accent!

[Sally]

*wheeze*Okay, who ever told Ethel Merman SHE could sing? You did sound just like her but what's even more scary (hee hee) is that you knew all the words!But I think it's far better to sing when you've got the house alone then to curl into the fetal position and sob uncontrollably. That's what Debra did when Ray took the kids but then came back unexpectedly and caught her on the couch wailing to herself. (On the show "Everyone Loves Raymond.)

[Karen from WI]

Hi Ree! That was a GREAT impression of Ethel! I wish I had known of this talent when I met you a few weeks ago on our visit to the ranch with Lindy. You and I could have done a duet -- which would have horrified my niece and probably Lindy too. I finally had some time to catch up on your blog. It definitely picked up my "droopy" morning. Thanks for sharing.

[SongBird]

Bravo! Bravo!! (throwing flowers toward the stage...I mean computer)

[wendy]

Encore! Encore!That was so fun! My little Emily came over to hear what I was listening to and ran away giggling!

[Lisa in TX]

Hi Ree,You are a nut! Thank you for recording this. It brightened our day.

[dadia]

Great job! May I have your autograph? My goodness!! You do Ethel better than Ethel herself! LOL! I never knew anyone that knew all the words...now I'll be listening to ya until I have them memorized...Here - have a brand new never-been-chewed piece of Clove gum!

[Neil Darla Sautter]

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhh ... blasted dial-up. I'm just getting bits and pieces at a time, but I can tell it's probably quite funny if it were being heard straight through. (Did I say "argh?")Darla

[Candice]

That was...amazing.

[Old Dominion Heather]

Wow...just...wow. We all listened. When we were done, the four year old said, "Play it again!" To which the seven year old replied, "No! Don't!"Well, two of us were blown away with your talent. Sometime I'll do my Louis Armstrong for you!

[Neil Darla Sautter]

BTW, I hope it was obvious I meant FUN funny!! (Not boy-that's-bad funny). I could tell from what I *did* hear that it was an amazing rendition. Hey, would you mind calling and singing it for me on the phone?Just kidding.Sort of.;)Darla

[Shama]

What are the chances of you singing 'Shama Lama Ding Dong' Ethel Merman style......even better, 'Doug is a Dog" ....Still laughing loud in the big city!

[Susan in va]

Here's a quick rundown of the responses in my family:6 yr. old boy - Slowly backed out of the room then ran up the stairs.5 yr. old boy - "That's good!"2 yr. old girl - "I want turkey pweeeese Mommy" (after hearing you sing the word "turkey")Me - I'm REALLY impressed at the accuracy of your rendition. I actually liked it better than the original.

[Amy Jo]

Ree!!! You are a scream. I love this!!!

[willowtree]

Have to agree with MM on this one. I've come to rely on you to brighten my mornings. So rather than take the risk of being so disappointed in you that I ban you from my daily routine, I'm just not going to listen. Not because you may be bad, but because you may be good - I hate Ethel Merman!You already have one strike against you for saying "I'm just keeping it real".

[Anonymous]

Damn Ree, that may be the best yet.... I had to listen a couple of times to really believe it was my sister! And I've known you for most of my life....Next trip up to the ranch, let me do a guest recording of one of my impersonations so your readers can see that it's a familial trait. Cinderella boy....?wds

[Fred]

that was nearly spot on. Christine Pedi (who played Merman in Forbidden Broadway) once said the trick to doing a good merman is in the dipthongs... you nailed it.

[Julie]

Hey Ree! Guess who was on the Biography channel tonight - Ethel Merman! I didn't watch it, but it made me think of you! You did an awesome job! Keep - keepin' it real!!!