I'm Not What They're Searching For

One delightful feature of having a blog is the ability to track my visitors. Rest assured, I don't have any personal or confidential information about you. What I do have are the cities of origin of my visitors and, most interestingly, the "referrer" information---in other words, the web page that led each visitor to my blog.

In most cases, there is no referrer page because most visitors have arrived at my blog simply by typing the blog address into their browser. But sometimes---when I'm lucky---an unwitting, Googling web surfer is sent to my blog through no fault of their own. Here are some recent referrer pages of my visitors:

One person Googled "Housewife Pinups". Imagine their disappointment when they clicked on my search result and found THIS picture:

Sexy? Perhaps. But something tells me these aren't quite the housewives the searcher intended to find.

Another innocent visitor found my blog by Googling "Gender Discrimination Cases". I'm sure they were looking for an in-depth analysis of recent court cases. Instead, they were forwarded to this disturbing photo:

This photo, of course, was the subject of the first "Give That Photo a Name" contest on this very blog. The winning title? "A Case of Gender Discrimination." What must the poor Googler have thought?

My favorite referrer this week was also the most disturbing. The person Googled "Fondle Testicles." While I'm still losing sleep at night trying to figure out just what kind of information they were hoping for, I can say without hesitation that the following entry from my blog---dated June 14---was not it:

"Here it is, what I've determined to be the softest known material in our universe:

It's the fuzzy material that surrounds a calf's testicle, frequently referred to as the "nut sac". When a male calf is castrated, this outer sac is carefully cut away first and discarded, revealing the more organ-like testicles underneath (which, by the way, are also cut away and discarded!) These little fuzzballs might initially deter the squeamish, but just one touch of these pillowy pouches will reel you in for life.

After Marlboro Man and I were married and I'd accompany him to cattle workings, I'd sometimes catch my brother-in-law, Tim, rubbing the sacs during breaks. I'd look at him curiously, wondering, "Is that a rabbit's foot?" I finally asked my husband what Tim was kneading between his fingers. His simple reply? "A nut sac."

It's an indescribable softness, a special combination of the velvety-soft fuzz covering them and the thin layer of fatty tissue beneath. The children love them, as they're softer than any stuffed animal they've ever felt. They're always the first to scoop them up after they fall to the ground."

I have yet to determine who has been more traumatized. Is it the hapless Googler, who was expecting search results about legitimate testicle fondling? Or is it I, who actually had to read the phrase, "Fondle Testicles" and wonder how my good, wholesome blog could be associated with such a search? Only time will tell.

Comments

[Anonymous]

Oh my. I need to go wash, but since it's cyber world, I'm not sure what to wash.

[Julie]

I am just trying to figure out how you look at all that information. I would love to look at mine. Any tips would be appreciated.

[sasha]

Ree,I love the way you look at things! This one cracks me up.psall these photos remind me how lame my last Saturday was without a photo-naming contest.

[James Cooper]

Hahaha, I've had some interesting phrases lead people to my site but nothing near as comedy gold as "Gender Discrimination Cases" leading to severed calf testicles or a phrase such as "Fondle Testicles" (funny and disturbing!).

[bekah]

I bet the person searching for gender discrimination cases could've used that photo if they were working on a presentation. Can you imagine someone doing a Powerpoint on "Gender Discrimination" and having that be on there? Hahahaha, that'd be hilarious.

[Snafu]

Think I'll google: tortured cowgirl genius poet to see if I find the pioneer woman. You're too much...

[leahpeah]

me. i was the most traumatized....: )

[willowtree]

If someone wants to find porn they should be specific when they google, something like "licked crotch", no wait, that would bring them here too.

[time traveler]

I can't remember how I got here......

[Beth]

Oh, man, I have to know how you do that..details please!

[Ree]

You need only sign up for Site Meter. You can put a counter on your site, then track information about visitors. It's free!I hope you all get even half as much enjoyment from my blog as I get from your comments.

[Gem]

I'll never eat calf fries again!!! Actually I used to work in restaurantin the country in KS, and we served them, so I've seen them in their unfried state. But to see them fresh like that -- YECH! Do you guys sell them as a delicacy or serve them up yourselves?

[Gem]

Oh, and I live in Michigan now, suburban Detroit. I don't think I'll have to worry about eating calf fries for a while, at least til I visit Mom out by Dodge!

[Sarah]

Heh heh heh.My favorite "accidental" googler was a guy in Turkey looking for "Paris Girly Pictures."I think he was disappointed to click on a picture of girly-girl socks I made with yarn bought in Paris.

I read you everyday and LOVE-love-love it. Keep it up, you make my day~Margaret

[viagra online]

You can't put an animal raised in captivity, in it's alleged natural habitat. I bet so much money this chick wouldn't last in the wild for more than 5 days.

If she didn't take herself so seriously, this could be a funny piece of performance, but instead it's kind of embarrassing.